forcing myself to think of him with another girl forcing myself to go crazy to punish myself this is what's fucked up about my brain self-punishment at it's best
so i'm going to norway not sure if to apologize or to be my last attempt at living and i knock on his door and his father opens, tells me to leave, that his son is with someone else and i can't move, i can't leave so he go tell him and he comes, look down at me this is all you deserve i finally found a girl who respect me for who i am and love me and i'm there, on the ground crying my life out and i'm there, in my bed smashing my head and ripping off my hairs to make the pain stop to make the images stop
and i'm there, every morning refusing to take the happy pill the only one who could save me right now this damn pill this damn fucking pill was so easy to stop illegal drugs so fucking hard to stop legal drug
those words "im leaving and this time i won't come back" i keep hearing them i keep seeing them i keep being stabbed by them..
i'm feeling that i'm leaving once again so much work to garbage my brain is suffering so much i feel like i'm going soon to the stage the one i hate so much the one that i can't be brought back from
when it's just too much when your brain literraly die from sadness that it atrophies itself that you become a machine unable to laugh or cry that you become dead and in the end life is so empty you decide it's just better ending it