..

6 days
6 fucking days that i'm drowning in hell
 
forcing myself to think of him with another girl
forcing myself to go crazy to punish myself
this is what's fucked up about my brain
self-punishment at it's best
 
so i'm going to norway
not sure if to apologize or to be my last attempt at living
and i knock on his door
and his father opens, tells me to leave, that his son is with someone else
and i can't move, i can't leave
so he go tell him
and he comes, look down at me
this is all you deserve
i finally found a girl who respect me for who i am and love me
and i'm there, on the ground
crying my life out
and i'm there, in my bed
smashing my head and ripping off my hairs
to make the pain stop
to make the images stop
 
and i'm there, every morning
refusing to take the happy pill
the only one who could save me right now
this damn pill
this damn fucking pill
was so easy to stop illegal drugs
so fucking hard to stop legal drug
 
those words
"im leaving and this time i won't come back"
i keep hearing them
i keep seeing them
i keep being stabbed by them..

i'm feeling that i'm leaving once again
so much work to garbage
my brain is suffering so much
i feel like
i'm going soon to the stage
the one i hate so much
the one that i can't be brought back from
 
when it's just too much
when your brain literraly die from sadness
that it atrophies itself
that you become a machine
unable to laugh or cry
that you become dead
and in the end
life is so empty
you decide it's just better ending it